Stanley's Answer to Taffy's Father

Taffy's Daddy wanted me to fill out an application before we could go on another date.  So here it is . . . .

APPLICATION FOR DATING TAFFY

Personal Information:
What is your full name? Stanley G. Campbell
Do you have any nicknames or aliases? Stan the Man, Doodle Boy, Tiny Little Puppy Dog
What church do you attend?  Goose's Church (verification, references, and photos available upon request)
How many times did you actually attend church last year? Every month, Dog Sunday only comes once a month (3rd Sun).

Family Information:
What is your father's name? My biological father is Gus.
How many puppies has he had?  He is the father of most mini Doodles west of the Mississippi.
With how many female dogs did he have those puppies? See above.
What is your mother's name? Daisy
How many puppies has she had? 2 litters before us.
With how many male dogs did she have those puppies? All with Gus, she has high morals.
Are your parents still together? They are still "friends with benefits" as far as we know.

Information needed to continue seeing my daughter:
Do you own or drive a van?  (If yes, discontinue completing the application.)No van, but I do have a driver's license.
How do you feel about dating a dog who was used for breeding in the past? I don't judge by a dog's past especially when she had no choice.
Where would you least like to be shot?  By a firing squad mandated by an irate father.  Arizona, it is very hot there.
Which bone is the last one you want broken? My neck.
What do you want to be if given the opportunity to grow up? A construction worker, excavating.
Please complete the following sentence:         My girl's place is.....with her dog.
What is my daughter's name? Taffy
Who, besides God, should you be most afraid? You?
Do you have a good vet? We actually have two very good vets.
Does your underwear have pictures or words on the outside? I don't wear underwear. I go commando.
Do you plan to take a bath, get groomed, comb your fur, brush your teeth, and put on a clean collar before coming to pick up my daughter? Yes, all of the above.
Do you prefer to be buried or cremated?  In case I need to let your pawrents know. I'm too young to think about that but if your crazy eyes are any indication I suspect you would hide the body.
Please provide a list of the last 3 girls you have dated including their father's name and the reason the relationship ended.  Millie, but we were just youngsters - no romance.  I met Taffy and was smitten and have not looked at another girl pup since.

Sir, I would like to add that I respect your desire to protect Taffy.  She is charming and beautiful with voluptuous lips. I want to point out that when Taffy and I went on both dates I had her home safe and sound, before curfew even if you were flashing the porch light off and on and firing shots into the air for half an hour before the curfew.  I understand that you have contracted the FBI to do a background check on me and believe they will submit a clean report.

Respectfully Submitted:

Stanley