Fetching 101

It has come to my attention that there is a need for proper instruction on how to properly fetch a ball.  Some young pups need to learn but there are others who are older who have never learned the finer points of a proper ball fetch.  Since I am very experienced and therefore highly qualified in this matter, I offer the following instruction for those who need it.

1.  Selection of the ball.  The bottom line is that any ball will do.  However, those of us who consider ourselves professional fetchers, of which I believe I am, like the more racy ones like the one on the right.

2.  Selection of the thrower.  Any human will do.  If you are VERY lucky, you have one of those tennis ball throwing machines but I am not that lucky, nor my humans that rich.  So the best I can do is get my parents to throw the ball (unless you know Goose's mom cuz she is THE bestest ball thrower in the universe).  You should know that when a ball throwing device is used, you can throw it MUCH farther and thereby increase the level of joy relative to the effort of the fetch.

3. Catching the ball.  Keep your eye on the ball so you can retrieve it as quickly and efficiently as possible.  It doesn't look classy if you have to hunt for the ball.  If you can catch it, that is very classy but be careful of your teeth.

4.  Retrieve.  This is the part that many dogs mess up on.  Do NOT run around with the ball.  Do NOT try and get your humans to chase you with the ball.  These are all considered bad form.  You MUST bring the ball directly to your human and drop it in front of them.  That is the only way they can quickly grasp the ball and begin the repeat of the entire sequence . . . over and over.

5.  End of game.  No self respecting dog will voluntarily end the game of fetch.  You must tire the human out no matter how long it takes.

This is the face of a SERIOUS fetching Dood.

I can supply a number of witnesses to verify that I am obsessed proficient and crazed professional in my fetching, to the point of being fanatical perfect.  I would be happy to personally instruct anyone who needs it.  I am also available for appearances on Letterman or Leno.


Murphy