Monday, February 11, 2013

Fetching 101

It has come to my attention that there is a need for proper instruction on how to properly fetch a ball.  Some young pups need to learn but there are others who are older who have never learned the finer points of a proper ball fetch.  Since I am very experienced and therefore highly qualified in this matter, I offer the following instruction for those who need it.

1.  Selection of the ball.  The bottom line is that any ball will do.  However, those of us who consider ourselves professional fetchers, of which I believe I am, like the more racy ones like the one on the right.

2.  Selection of the thrower.  Any human will do.  If you are VERY lucky, you have one of those tennis ball throwing machines but I am not that lucky, nor my humans that rich.  So the best I can do is get my parents to throw the ball (unless you know Goose's mom cuz she is THE bestest ball thrower in the universe).  You should know that when a ball throwing device is used, you can throw it MUCH farther and thereby increase the level of joy relative to the effort of the fetch.

3. Catching the ball.  Keep your eye on the ball so you can retrieve it as quickly and efficiently as possible.  It doesn't look classy if you have to hunt for the ball.  If you can catch it, that is very classy but be careful of your teeth.

4.  Retrieve.  This is the part that many dogs mess up on.  Do NOT run around with the ball.  Do NOT try and get your humans to chase you with the ball.  These are all considered bad form.  You MUST bring the ball directly to your human and drop it in front of them.  That is the only way they can quickly grasp the ball and begin the repeat of the entire sequence . . . over and over.

5.  End of game.  No self respecting dog will voluntarily end the game of fetch.  You must tire the human out no matter how long it takes.

This is the face of a SERIOUS fetching Dood.

I can supply a number of witnesses to verify that I am obsessed proficient and crazed professional in my fetching, to the point of being fanatical perfect.  I would be happy to personally instruct anyone who needs it.  I am also available for appearances on Letterman or Leno.



Pippa Sheltie said...

Thanks very much Murphy. Now I will have to listen to the humans when they say "Pippa come back"!
Usually, I just run around woofing "Come and get it if you want it!"
I am quite fast at chasing it, but I'm not classy enough to catch the ball.

Kten said...

Great lesson. From an obsessed Phod and a I hate fetch Lee

Golden Woofs! SUGAR said...

Woof! Woof! #5 is so right. Well as a Golden Dog, I LOVE LOVE LOVE to fetch ... I fetch anything. Happy Fetching Monday. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

Katie said...

Fetching sure seems to be an art!

Oink oink,
Katie and Coccolino the mini pig

Molly The Wally said...

Pawsome instruction Murphy. I don't play fetch anymore as I am now all grown up and need to focus on my squirrel hunting. I too am not obsessed, fanatical or crazy about these things. I mean squirrels and vermin , I can love or leave them. Yikes did I really say that? Happy fetching and I am off now to practice stalking. Have a marvelous Monday.
Best wishes Molly

GOOSE said...

Murphy you are a pro. And you know my MOM can out throw those ball fliger thingys. I do like, however, I enjoy making MOM chase me with the ball.

Madi and Mom said...

Murphy these instructions are clear, concise and to the point; however,
I am a cougar Khat, diva and Mayor. I do not fetch, if it isn't delivered to me on a silver platter with a smile
I pay it no mind at all.
Madi(son) D. Picky Cat
Actually a very wonderful post!!
Hugs madi

A Day In The Life Of A Goose said...

Muahaha, wonderful and informative post Murphy! I must say, you have easily surpassed my knowledge and proficiency of the game! Highly commendable :-D I am a great's just my return that needs work! ;-)

Frankie Furter and Ernie said...

WOW Buddy... you have like 87 rules fur how to do this... I didn't KNOW .
I guess I am gonna have to start trying to train MY peeps...
THANKS fur the tutorial... I will use it OFTEN!!

Your FUREND fur 87 Years,

GizmoGeodog said...

Doods! Momz keeps trying to get me to do the 'fetch' thing but so far Iz not seen the percentage in it fur me...Iz rather dig holes and chase small furry things like sqwerrels...Iz wud appreciate some help in learning why dis game iz fun

scotsmad said...

Our friend Millie is Obsessed with the ball. But we scotties don't chase balls. Roxy only chews them up. We can tell you're a pro, though. Good pointers for pups.

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

NanaNor's said...

Hi dudes~Missed seeing you here this weekend, I was in the snow too. It was mighty cold out where we were. Saw a Doodle just like you boys and it made me think of you both. Glad you have fetch down perfect; Hunter plays when he is in the mood but we've had dogs that didn't want to play anything or even with a ball.
Thanks for sharing.
Wags, Noreen & Hunter

Duncan Breazeale said...

Ohhhhhhhh. Running around with the ball is bad form??? Bummer. I'd say the chances of Leno's people contacting your people are much higher than them contacting my people as I do enjoy a good run around before returning the ball for another toss!

Shekinah Duffer said...

Hi Murphy and Stanley, the moment I saw your banner or header picture, I just can't take my eyes off it., you guys are so beautiful just like us... anyway, we love the lesson you just shared. we are so privileged to be taught by a professional, expert and obsessed ball

Have fun,
Heated Dog Bed

The Cat From Hell said...

Hi Guys! At our house we use racquet balls and a tennis recquet to hit the balls! They goes way further than a chucket and wes never has to worry about having found the right size of ball

Dougall-the-Scottie said...

Floyd like to chase the ball, retrieve it, but he's not so good at bringing it back to the hoomans!

Mollie said...

I'll come and help you teach the young pups..I'm an expert too :) xx00xx

Mollie and Alfie

haopee said...

Perhaps when you visit us you could give us a one on one lesson on fetch as apparently Fetch is a game played when you want the human to go after the ball while you stare at it.

Huggies and Cheese,


The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears said...

I have fallen way behind on my blog reading, guys. I just caught up on all of yours, but I'll just comment here for now. Looks like the snow hasn't been so bad that its kept you from getting to play outside with your friends. I'm super impressed at how quickly you've caught on to using the computer. You two must be geniuses. And I'm a little confused about this valentines day ball you claim to have been allowed to attend. I still say you're too young to be dating. As for the advice on playing fetch, autumn and Oliver would be really jealous. They keep tearing apart their toys so they have to fetch broken toys. Maybe they'll learn to respect property one of these days. They have a new frisbee/rope thing that seems pretty indestructible. But, I don't put anything past those two.