We are joining Blogville and sharing our story about . . .
"The Day We Met Pirate Frankie Furter"
by Murphy & Stanley
We'll never forget the day we met Frankie Furter, the Pirate King of Blogville. We were much younger pups, still very impressionable. We didn't even have our drivers' licenses! Our furiend Ernie, Frankie's younger brother, wanted us to come over to his house to play and wrestle. So we caught the #3 bus, transferred to the #9 redline, then took the #2 bus and rode it all the way from our mountain to Ernie's hill.
It took us over 87 hours to get there! When we finally arived, Ernie met us at the bus stop. He was so excited that we came! He kept peeing but we were polite and pretended not to notice. The bus stop was at the bottom of the hill so we three walked up the hill, just taking our time, stretching our legs and sniffing the good spots Ernie pointed out to us. As we were walking along, Ernie started explaining that when we meet his big brother Frankie we might be a bit surprised but we should not be scared. We told him we probably would not be surprised since we already knew of Frankie since (at that time) he was the Mayor of Blogville. That was when Ernie explained to us that Frankie had another side, an alter-ego from a time long ago! We weren't even sure what an alter-ego was!
So we carried on and finally got to the house. We were hot and tired. We went inside and met his mom. She was really nice and gave us treats. Then we met his dad. His pants were kind of droopy and we asked if we should sniff his butt but Ernie said it would be better if we didn't. He was nice too but we liked his mom the best because she kept laughing and giving us delicious foodables.
After our bellies were full of fresh meat that his dad had just shot that morning, we went to a shed that was in their backyard. It was a nice big yard, full of trees so we kept having to stop and check for pee mail. As we got closer and closer to the shed, we could hear a voice and then crashing noises. It kind of made us nervous! Finally I asked Ernie what all that racket was and that was when he explained that Frankie Furter, the Pirate King of Blogville was inside the shed, destroying snow freaks! Everyone in Blogville knows how Frankie and Ernie hate snow freaks.
Ernie held his paw to his lips in a motion to tell us to keep quiet and he pointed to a crack between 2 boards where we could peek to see inside. I stood on Stanley's back and leaned in to take a look. At first I couldn't make out what I was seeing because Frankie was standing close to the crack in the boards. Then he moved away and I saw him in full view.
Frankie was taller than I expected and he was standing up on his back legs. He was wearing a pirate hat and had a sword in his paw. The blade was so sharp is glistened. As he turned around I could see he was also wearing an eye patch. The floor of the shed was full of snow-freak remnants. There were broken pieces of snow freaks that were smashed onto the floor. Some snow-freaks just remained motionless but without their heads. As quick as Zorro with a sword, Pirate Frankie would shout,
"Be ye ready to lose ye heads?"
And with a swoosh another snow-freak would lose its head. Pirate Frankie would give a hoot and hollar as he lined up more snow freaks and shouted,
"Prepare ye to swim the plank!"Then one by one he would push them off where they would smash into bits on the floor. I was mesmerized for the longest time as I peered into the shed. Finally Stanley said he wanted to look so I jumped off his back and Stanley held his eyes up to the crack in the boards. Stanley was only looking for a minute or two when Ernie nudged me and said we should go in the shed to meet Frankie. So the three of us approached the door. Ernie held up his paw and gave a secret knock to which Pirate Frankie replied,
"Ye may enter me cabin me brother."
So we went in and Ernie introduced us all. Frankie responded,
"Welcome buckos, would ye like some ale?"
We said we would so we sat in the corner and had some ale. It tasted kind of weird but we drank it anyway. We spent the next three hours listening to stories that Pirate Frankie told us about when he was younger and he traveled along the Mississippi in a pirate ship. He would stop at all these different ports and drink ale and chase wimmen. Sometimes he would even pillage and plunder the little seaport towns! We had no idea what pillage and plunder meant but we still found his stories totally fascinating!
Pirate Frankie explained that now that he was a grown and responsible dog, he had to put his pirate ways away forever. But every now and again, he had to give into the fire that still ran through his veins and put on what he called "scurvy pirate clothes" and relive the days when he sailed the seven seas (of the Mississippi River). A few moments later, we heard footsteps approaching from outside. Ernie quickly peered through the crack in the boards and in a panicked voice whispered,
Fast as lightening, Pirate Frankie tore off his pirate's hat and scurvy clothes, stuffed them in a box in the corner, brushed himself off and stood facing the door. As their mom opened the door, the shed was flooded with light. The four of us just looked at her, wagging our tails. We were hoping she hadn't noticed we'd been drinking ale!
At first she didn't say anything. We were all watching her eyes as she scanned the width of the shed and saw all her precious snow freaks, lying dead, smashed and decapitated on the floor. As her hands flew to her face, she let out a loud gasp.
"No! No! Boys . . . what happened?" she cried out.
Pirate Frankie had now transformed back into upstanding Blogville citizen and mayor Frankie, as he took hold of the situation. He leapt forward to explain.
"Now mother, I know you're shocked at what you see. I was just standing here explaining to Ernest and his young furiends that I came upon this disaster and did in fact witness the squirrels who were in here wreaking this havoc. I have enlisted the assistance of Ernest and his two young furiends Murphy and Stanley to hunt down the squirrel scoundrels who have done this and make them pay with their very lives!"
At this point, Frankie turned towards us, as if to give us a wink to show how he totally covered up this whole thing when we saw it. He was still wearing his pirate's eye patch!
Panicked and shocked that their mom would notice Frankie's eye patch and start piecing together what had actually happened, Ernie flew into action. He started rolling on the floor like he was having a seizure or something. This distracted their mom long enough that me and Stanley were able to signal to Frankie that he was still wearing the pirate's eye patch. Frankie quickly removed the eye patch, then ran over to Ernie as he shouted to his mom,
"Don't worry mother, I know CPR!"
Ernie finally stopped thrashing about and once again all eyes were on Frankie and Ernie's mom. At this point she looked exhausted, totally drained. All her snow freaks were killed, murderous squirrels were on the loose, and Ernie was having seizures. It took her the longest time to speak but finally her shoulders relaxed and her face softened as she said,
"Come on boys . . . I need some ice cream!"
And that was the day me and Stanley met Frankie Furter the Pirate of Blogville.