Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Stanley's Answer to Taffy's Father

Taffy's Daddy wanted me to fill out an application before we could go on another date.  So here it is . . . .

APPLICATION FOR DATING TAFFY

Personal Information:
What is your full name? Stanley G. Campbell
Do you have any nicknames or aliases? Stan the Man, Doodle Boy, Tiny Little Puppy Dog
What church do you attend?  Goose's Church (verification, references, and photos available upon request)
How many times did you actually attend church last year? Every month, Dog Sunday only comes once a month (3rd Sun).

Family Information:
What is your father's name? My biological father is Gus.
How many puppies has he had?  He is the father of most mini Doodles west of the Mississippi.
With how many female dogs did he have those puppies? See above.
What is your mother's name? Daisy
How many puppies has she had? 2 litters before us.
With how many male dogs did she have those puppies? All with Gus, she has high morals.
Are your parents still together? They are still "friends with benefits" as far as we know.

Information needed to continue seeing my daughter:
Do you own or drive a van?  (If yes, discontinue completing the application.)No van, but I do have a driver's license.
How do you feel about dating a dog who was used for breeding in the past? I don't judge by a dog's past especially when she had no choice.
Where would you least like to be shot?  By a firing squad mandated by an irate father.  Arizona, it is very hot there.
Which bone is the last one you want broken? My neck.
What do you want to be if given the opportunity to grow up? A construction worker, excavating.
Please complete the following sentence:         My girl's place is.....with her dog.
What is my daughter's name? Taffy
Who, besides God, should you be most afraid? You?
Do you have a good vet? We actually have two very good vets.
Does your underwear have pictures or words on the outside? I don't wear underwear. I go commando.
Do you plan to take a bath, get groomed, comb your fur, brush your teeth, and put on a clean collar before coming to pick up my daughter? Yes, all of the above.
Do you prefer to be buried or cremated?  In case I need to let your pawrents know. I'm too young to think about that but if your crazy eyes are any indication I suspect you would hide the body.
Please provide a list of the last 3 girls you have dated including their father's name and the reason the relationship ended.  Millie, but we were just youngsters - no romance.  I met Taffy and was smitten and have not looked at another girl pup since.

Sir, I would like to add that I respect your desire to protect Taffy.  She is charming and beautiful with voluptuous lips. I want to point out that when Taffy and I went on both dates I had her home safe and sound, before curfew even if you were flashing the porch light off and on and firing shots into the air for half an hour before the curfew.  I understand that you have contracted the FBI to do a background check on me and believe they will submit a clean report.

Respectfully Submitted:


Stanley

24 comments:

  1. Oh my Stanley...pending the FBI report it has to be a yes. How could Taffys' dad say no? We wait with baited breath LOL. Have terrific Tuesday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  2. Excellent job on the application Stanley! Taffy must be really special for you to go to such great lengths!

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  3. Dang…. I hope she is worth it. Her daddy is crazy!
    Wags,
    Ranger

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  4. PSSsssssst Stan (aka Agent 0087S) when the FBI guyz were HERE grilling ME (Ernie aka Agent 0087E) I PAWMISE that I did NOT mention the Valentine's Ball where we ordered the 87,000 SQUIRRELS to be delivered in the MIDDLE of the big nigh. NOPE What happens between US... STAYS between US... and even though Mr. Alphonso SCARES the TURDS outta ME... I won't tell HIM either.

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  5. Wow now that's an application. We sure think you will be accepted! Protective daddys are the hardest to please but WE thought your answers were utterly polite :-)

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  6. OHMYPUG we are laughing so hard at this post!!!! BUT Dood did you really tell him you go camando AND a girls place is with her Dog, it should have been her DAD!! OUr mom raised three girls you should have had her help you with the app....DADS are very very tricky and can be mean and dangerous! BE CAREFUL!!!! You might want to wear underwear on your next date, cos I bet HE checks!
    Stella Rose

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  7. Very nice. They wanna know everything
    Lily

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  8. WOW! Hope you pass! you werecompletely honest and we have all our paws crossed

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  9. Gee willy whiskers! That is one long application just to get a date! Taffy better be the cream of the crop, pal.
    Oz

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  10. Dear Taffy's Dad, I would like to vouch for Stanley as I did go on a date with him to the Valentine's Dance. He was a perfect gentledog. We had a good time and he got me home at the required time. I think he would make a fine suitor for your sweet girl. Respectfully submitted,

    Millie

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  11. Oh Stanley, sounds like Taffy's Dad is a nut case, however you did an outstanding job on that questionnaire, Barharhar, some funny answers buddy, Hope that taffy is one hot gal!

    The Mad Scots

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  12. Very well put together application, Stanley. Wishing you luck.

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  13. Mmm do you think you provided too much information??? Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

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  14. I don't see how anyone could resist you!


    Loveys Sasha

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  15. We can't imagine with answers like that, how he wouldn't let you date his Taffy. Lee and Phod

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  16. Oh Stanley, you made me laugh out loud!!!!! I think he's going to accept you (but it's better to officially "delete" things than to leave them in crossed out!). Thanks, Stanley!

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  17. You are one upstanding dog, Mr. Stanley! How could Taffy's dad say no?!
    oxox
    Daisy

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  18. OMD, this cracked us up!! Especially the part about you think he'd hide your body! :)

    That's a tough test to pass...but we think you'll make the cut (hopefully the "cut" of getting to date Taffy and not the "cut" like getting your head chopped off by her dad!).

    Glad to know I'm not the only one that has a hard time coming up with a witty or even halfway interesting title to my blog posts!

    Elyse (and Riley)

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  19. Wowsa. A, Do you have a Kevlar vest?? I suggest gettin' one if you plan on datin' Taffy...just sayin'...the Pops sounds like he's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic....
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

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  20. Now who could say no to a handsome sweet guy like you.......I am sure it will go well for you.
    Bert

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  21. How could any dad turn that down!! You must really like her and we like the going Commando!! bol
    Hey are you two guys signing up for the cards or gift exchanges??

    Wags
    Jazzi

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  22. Scary time Stanley but how could he refuse this pawfect dog BOL, too funny xxooxx

    Mollie and Alfie

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  23. OMD Stanley, we had to go over to Taffy's and read and then come back and then to Taffy's to see the answer from her Dad. Wow, you must really be smitten with her to go through all that.
    Good job!
    hugs
    Mr Bailey, Hazel & Greta

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  24. What a luck girl Taffy is!!

    God luck.

    ♥♥♥Prissy & Mona

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Don't just sniff around, leave your mark with a comment so we know you've stopped by. Wags!!